E!‽ Gads! Find Me a Neck to (W)ring

Little Aard left the living room and camped in front of the [my] computer. As usual, she'd left the boob tube turned on. Still, L.A. totally ignored the babble of the E! Network show that she didn't want to watch. I happened to come through the front door just in time to see whatever mid-evening (ca. 8:15 p.m. CDT) show she didn't care about cut to commercial. 'Twas an eye-opening commercial indeed ... and one I'm quite happy she missed.

How do I describe the item being promoted? Well, it's not really jewelry, although it is a ring designed for a man to wear. I mean really — how can I call something motorized "jewelry"?

"Motorized‽" you ask.

Yep, 'tis a battery powered ring that supposedly runs for about twenty minutes. It seems that the motor is a wee bit out of balance, however, since the manufacture admits that the thing has a tendency to vibrate. Perhaps that's the result of outsourcing the labor (perhaps a topic for another post).

Anyhow, the ad showed a guy presenting a small box to a gal who wasn't already wearing a ring. She opened, smiled, and said, "Yes, I do!" Obviously neither seemed to mind the obvious design flaw while she seemed eager to give it back to him (and he appeared happy to take it off her hands).

Now if deciphering the above wasn't overly difficult, perhaps you've arrived at this paragraph wondering if your take on this new product and its accompanying ad match the Aardvark's. Well, I'm not totally opposed to girls (and guys) who wanna have fun. However, in my not-so-humble opinion, certain types of "fun" shouldn't be advertised during the prime time hours (and I'm not just talking about that fictitious "family hour" that begins each week night, usually a half hour after the local news).

What I mean is that I don't think ads for sex toys, ED aids, and related products and services should appear until after your normal sub-18 year old human (or 18 year old subhuman?) or aardvark ceases television watching for the day. In other words (IOW for those overly addicted to Netspeak), don't plug the play before Jay. Once The Tonight Show begins, I figure that the kids with whom I least want to be discussing vibrating birds and bees should be getting ready for bed, cramming for the morrow's test, or (in summer or during school breaks) doing some reading away from the idiot box.

Do I have a specific objection to mutually consenting and married people (or aardvarks) purchasing and using adult play toys? I wrestle with the pros and cons and find myself waffling worse than a box of Eggos. Overall, if the advertising doesn't point to out-of-wedlock grappling and if the product doesn't violate my growing opposition to birth control, I don't really think that I care. However, the obvious lack of vows in the current Durex commercial certainly points toward a violation of the Sixth Commandment (Lutheran, Roman, Anglican enumeration; 7th for the rest of you).

If you, too, would like to postpone the inevitable discussions on sex, you can tell Durex and the E! Network your thoughts about advertising the Play Vibrations ring while the kids are camped before the tube. And while I'm on the subject, besides generally frowning upon birth control, I specifically object to Trojan Man ads during hours when young people watch the tube or are listening to the car radio whilst we're driving about — so you're welcome to give them what-for, too.

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