Aardvark Alley

Lutheran Aardvark

Confessional Lutheran theology, hagiography, philosophy, music, culture, sports, education, and whatever else is on the fevered mind of Orycteropus Afer

17 November 2005
  A Nation Still Gone to the Birds
Wherein we allow ourselves an "I-told-you-so."

House SparrowTuesday's comments about the shooting of a sparrow that "threatened" a Guiness Book record-setting domino fall included the pretty-much rhetorical question, "How will animal 'rights' activists react to this wanton avian slaughter?"

Well, ask a rhetorical question, get a literal answer. "The Dutch animal protection agency demanded prosecution Tuesday for the shooting of a sparrow that knocked over 23,000 dominoes," notes a follow-up AP article in the Kansas City Star.

We might, for a momement, continue the truly serious comparisons of the value of a sparrow's life to that of a human. In an effort to appease the government and animal "rights" groups, the sponsoring television network has a suggestion: They are "considering some kind of memorial or mention for the dead bird in the television broadcast."

A televised funeral for a bird! "Wouldn't that," to quote Eliza Doolittle, "be loverly!" Let's put its feathers on display and call it macaroni. How about the innocent blood of Dutch victims of euthanasia, abortion, or "assisted" suicide having a chance to cry out?

Netherlands FlagSilent pause to listen for Dutch response.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Of course, like so many serious issues, this one also has ridiculous overtones. Imagine my American eyes spying this tidbit: "The common house sparrow [is] a species on the [Netherlands'] national endangered list." Obviously, the Dutch don't have enough breeding and nesting areas for these birds.

I hear opportunity knocking upon the door of one of this nation's most opportunistic businesses (headquarters, Bentonville, Arkansas). Yes, I mean Wal-Mart. I've not been in a Supercenter anywhere in these United States that did not have a thriving sparrow population. Instead of being villainized for trampling Dutch culture and undercutting the Netherlands' small businesses, the proper marketing approach could set them up as environmental heroes.

Of course, Wal-Mart might not see enough of a profit motive to make such an effort. After all, who wants to try marketing to new customers when so many of them keep dying for the flimsiest of reasons?
 
Comments:
I wonder who will "do" the eulogy and what would be suitable to say concerning the bird.
 
Perhaps a new religion could arise. One that is against the knocking over of dominoes. The bird could be the first martyr to the cause. It could be an annual feast day in the Church of The No Falling Dominoes. The day of the sparrow. Just imagine the liturgy and the hymns.
 
might i remind you, as one who would know.....


they're the Dutch!
 
Did Tep Van Gogh have a televised funeral?
 
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