Aardvark Alley

Lutheran Aardvark

Confessional Lutheran theology, hagiography, philosophy, music, culture, sports, education, and whatever else is on the fevered mind of Orycteropus Afer

10 June 2005
  Tearing Down the Ivory Dung Tower
Wherein the confessional McGruff takes a bite out of grime.

Liberals and African termites both gather together in monolithic structures designed to protect themselves from the outside world. The termites construct their nests from native soil, saliva, and their own excrement. These nests are some of the most weather-proof, critter-proof structures in nature. Most people call them "termite mounds"; aardvarks call them "cafeterias."

Liberals (especially of the genus theologicus) use glass, stone, failed ideas, misplaced idealism, and (the common denominator) their own excrement to build hardened structures, attempting to defeat the efforts of rational thinkers and responsible theologizers in penetrating their defenses and reaching the spineless creatures within. Most people outside modern academia call these structures collectively "The Ivory Towers"; Orycteropus Aferc'est moi——knows they are "putrid palaces of piled, petrified poop."

However, unlike my quadruped cousins, I sink my claws into these crawling quarters not to suck the life out of the inhabitants but to shake some sense and, God willing, breathe some life into them. I hunt them not for sport (although it is fun to tear into their treasured beliefs) nor in spite (although they've produced some of the most damnable dogmas this side of Satan himself). No, these claws aim to rip open sin-darkened structures in order to let the Light in. I desire to provide passage for the breezes of heaven to drive out the toxic atmosphere caused by generations inhaling and exhaling the same stale thoughts.

Yes, while I may joke about "eating liberals for breakfast," I actually prefer a few cups of strong coffee with a bowl of Scripture and a side of the Lutheran Confessions. Liberals taste nasty going down and often give me gas. No, as C. S. Lewis notes in The Screwtape Letters, these poor souls should worry about someone much more diabolical doing a much more complete job of devouring them.
 
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